Mock-SOTU: An Encapsulation of the Current Political Moment

Performance and Pageantry Bring Out the Worst in Politics...but that is kind of where we are at

I mean, look at those hands

Daddy always calls these addresses -whether a formal State of the Union or this 'Presidential Address' taking place in the interim - an 'ass-clown-hat show,' which makes just about as much sense as this event's existence. Initially a simple letter to Congress, this annual televised Congressional Address has too easily evolved into a modern mash of reality TV theatrics and political partisanship. That Trump romped the evening only further points to its petty intent...and yet doesn't it feel fitting?

This is by no means an indictment on our partisan politicians. Rather it is a meditation on an American Electorate who elects them, and in doing so, directly contradicts its supposed 'yearning' for political unity and national cohesion. But everyone got what they wanted last night, either proof of the President's brilliance or a Case-in-Point of American Decline.

Aesthetically, Mr. Trump sure knows how to milk the moment. Even for partisan stooges, his fraud shout-outs on on Social Security waste and bloated international aid were daringly effective in prose as well as performance, no matter how untrue they may have been*. He demonstrated his Made-For-TV energy with 'Breaking New's' announcements of a West Point cadet's acceptance and a Secret Service Jr. Agent Induction (tragically, a 13 year old is likely overqualified for the beleaguered departments standards at this point). And his choice of a Latino guests for Immigration and Law & Order appeals was a masterclass in satiating the appetites of Trump-tilting Latinos who returned him to the Oval Office. His biggest cringe came from castigating non-elected bureaucrats moments after forcing two standard ovations towards his own, Elon Musk.

*The Social Security Administration will leave presumptuously dead registrants on the roll when there is no proof of death, but payments are not actively processed. The foreign aid is less of an excuse beyond, well, humanity.

Tween Agent: Who Couldn't Love This Moment?

Beyond that, he strategically hammered home identity politics via transgender athletic fears (a winner for anyone who, unlike me, sees sports as one of the last true equalizers) as well as overall Law and Order concerns. These were easy triggers for an American electorate who would otherwise reflect on more pressing (and stagnant) concerns of inflation and economic growth. But as Trump has made clear, economic jargon is not his strong suit, as tariffs themselves are as much a method of negotiations and dominance-assertion as they are genuine strategy. At the same time, Mr. Worldwide seemed to mellow ever so slightly on foreign policy, with qualifiers towards the Panama Canal and Greenland downplaying earlier suggestions of US Imperialism. Recognition of Secretary of State Marco Rubio's universal confirmation in the Senate alongside a somewhat mellowing of rage towards Ukraine was enough to indicate some nuance remains in even America-First foreign policy.

Michigan's Junior Senator: It's the Bisexual Hair Part for Me

That unanimous vote nod towards Democrats was the closest Trump gave to an Olive Branch, with the reality mogul once more bashing his opponents in perfect form (the Real Housewives' Reunion Special has nothing on this man). Aside from Senator Elissa Slotkin avoiding the almost-annual crucifixion of the opposition party's rising star via its SOTU response*, the Democratic response was as disjointed as its anti-Trump Messaging. This included, though is not limited to: Congressmen Al Green's chamber removal over his yelling about...something, a more activist group of women holding up 'liar' signs and wearing pink in recognition of something women related, alongside semi-coordinated walkouts, and Elizabeth Warren's stunningly relatable phone scrolling. The only takeaway was that the once legendary Big Tent Party clearly has currently lost the circadian rhythms to its own performance - a circus with capital C.

*I chalk her success in survival to length, at barely ten minutes relative to Trump's record breaking 100+

Al Green: Not, Not That One!

Alas, wallowing in the background may not be such a bad approach. As famed Clinton Advisor James Carville has suggested, the playing (being?) dead strategy could be advantageous. After four years of arguing Donald Trump did not have a mandate, and another four years battling his shadow, the Democratic Party has intentionally or accidentally yielded the political gravity to him entirely. As his favorability hits new records (at least as of two days ago), the mantra of 'LET THEM" has broken through, as Trump does exactly what he wants. If it works, great. If, or rather when, it doesn't, there lies the moment to strike, building on their gains with educated whites and clawing back some losses from black and brown voters in both turnout and vote switches.

Therein lies the most reality-esque component of this speech: What always characterizes the genre happens behind scenes. In this case, it is questions over economic viability. As Trump enters his third month in office, he is beginning to more and more own an economy he spent ample room trashing. His policies face little internal disagreement, a notoriously lethal component of group think. Should more radical tariff threats become economic realities, Covid-Era Inflation could be in for a reboot, not to mention saggy job numbers already contending with self-imposed federal job cuts. If the economic outlook does not improve, or even worsens, all the pageantry in the world will not disguise Americans from their shrinking pocketbooks once the TV lights go out.

AND Pettiest Headline Goes to...People Magazine for blaming Houston's Newest Congressmen Dying on Trump's Speech Length. The Brutalist, on the other hand...