Thailand: It's a NO from Me, Love

We know I'm a hater, but boy do I hate Thailand

Bangkok: The water isn't the only thing that's murky...

Contrary to the prior (and further critically acclaimed) two seasons, the White Lotus Season Three, based in Thailand, seemed to make up for its lack of storytelling and award-buzz via an infectious meme campaign and internet exposure that I can only compare to the second season of Euphoria. Generic as this location may be in terms of enticing the global elite, I quickly learned that was precisely the point. Similar to White Lotus S3, Thailand offers, to both its own people and its tourists, a loud mediocrity made all the more deafening by its cultural influence.

Who hasn't heard someone spend way too much oxygen on touring the Land of Smiles?? From edgy backpackers, to adventurous families and the wealthy elite, the appeal to the Thai dream is perhaps more universal than even the Playas in Cancun. Just tell anyone you didn't enjoy your time there, and even the most removed globetrotters will gasp (I quickly got tired of talking about it).

A Tale of Two Thailands

As it continues to reign as THE tourist haven, the country is obviously TOO self-aware of its status. The minimum universal ATM fee is a whopping $7.30, the highest rate I have found anywhere in my 50+ country travels. Don't get me wrong; I have much experience in the developing world and understand the fees that credit card surcharges can rack up for marginal vendors. Alas, when countries half as wealthy like Vietnam and Cambodia can boast a much higher card access rate, it becomes clear the cash preference is less about financial means and more about motive. Add to that a universal reliance on cash in museums, hostels, convenience stores (even if they say they take card!!), and Buddhist Temples!? In other words, everyone and everywhere around is embezzling money - perhaps how the rich learned to love it in the first place.

Of course, my dreary assessment is not reflected in any of the country's measurements; by GINI Standards, Thailand is one of the most equal countries in the world. But as my Asian Adventure consistently proved, any income and equality measurement is highly suspect in liberal democracies, let alone quasi-authoritarian regimes like Thailand. For anyone bothering to look, well, anywhere, Thailand exhibits chronic inequality at face value. Now any Global South-Sympathetic Scholar will point to Thailand as a survivor of colonial whims, and they are not wrong, but of course they are not entirely right either. Making backroom deals and economic concessions to stronger more organized European powers was a means of survival that may have instituted inequality at a stronger rate than even traditional colonial states. At the same time, the country itself has long been imperialist in nature, with frequent seizures of North Malaysian territory and incursions into Cambodia. Perhaps just perhaps it avoided the worst of European Extortion because it already resembled those Western Players more than its immediate neighbors.

I came face-to-face with this, particularly via the Cambodian Context, on my arrival into the country. On my way from Siam Reap to Bangkok, the off-and-on border tensions crescendo-ed in the early hours before my bus ride. Thailand shut its border completely with Cambodia to any and all. Of course, the Thai bus company neglected to tell me that even after I asked, and also refused to give me my money back once they dumped me at the border with absolutely no regard for what I was to do next. That I was even able to muster a private ride back to Siam Reap and a flight out to Bangkok was less miraculous and more miserable because the very contours of this reroute were highly exploitative. This last minute flight cost me nearly as much as LA-Tokyo but not nearly as much as it did for the three Norwegians they made pay twice due to misspelled names. Every single seat in the flight was booked, meaning their secondary payment was entirely a ruse to force them to spend more money on seats that shouldn't be available. But thus is the inherent exploitation of Thai Entrepreneurship (otherwise known as the Five Families), whose wealthy and controlling families don't make nearly as much noise as Korean Chaebols or Japanese Zaibatsu because they have managed to avoid scrutiny and monopolize power.

As another indicator of the Thai elite's hold on power, this country boasts strict anti-criticism laws towards its royalty; namely its King who lives mostly in Munich with a harem of lovers notorious for their orgies. That his (in-name-only) bride adorns more government marketing than he does is proof enough the government will lean on her lineage as a more useful figurehead in future generations. Pushing past rampant pink washing from the Gay Pride Signage and preposterous cultural diversity initiatives, there should be little surprise that the business elite, royalty, and military (male conscription is mandatory) has initiated 14 putsch's since the '30s. In the Thai people's defense, the most recent election saw a genuine outsider, anti-establishment party win - before being overruled via military pre-injunction to parliamentary standards as well as legal quagmire meant to push the party successfully into the wilderness.

Gay Pride in Thailand: We get it! You love gay and hate everything else

That very dynamic is what underpins this border conflict, less so the soldier deaths used as an excuse. Thailand is a faux democracy in such a way that might makes Cambodia jealous. Prior to my arrival, these soldiers skirmishes had resulted in a conversation between the first families of Cambodia and Thailand respectively: Hun Sen, whose long leadership post Khmer Rouge was fading in favor of his son, and Paetongtarn Shinawatra, the unlikely PM whose father and aunt led the rural populist party Pheu Tai that had been twice overthrown by said military in previous coups. In the face of an even more outsider force, the generals and Shinawatras seemed to make their peace in a strategic partnership that looked as solid as home insurance in coastal Florida.

This leadership discussion essentially saw PM Shinawatra show reporte with the Hun Sen (gasp) and complain rather objectively on how the army instigates her into situations such as this. Case-in-point for Ms. Shinawatra, Sen's leaking of this call inflamed the general public and even more so the military brass who were all too eager to end their most recent flirtation with democratic accountability. Sure enough, a phantom Supreme Court court order suspended the PM for disloyalty and other bullshit. Meanwhile, the true winners of Thailand's last election, Move Forward, forged a partnership with the army under the promise of new elections. FOOLS! If it hasn't worked three times for Pheu Thai, it won't work for you either. Call it a rinse and repeat authoritarian cycle that the average Thai citizen either does not or cannot care about because they are too busy trying to survive in the first place.

The Thai Monarchy: A whole lotta signage and not a lot of loyalty

Politics aside, I found my time in Bangkok to be filled with craven scams, ridiculously priced excursions, and an overall societal cynicism that is common in some of the most unequal countries. I was stunned by the overwhelming number of old white men with their Thai...wives?, and horrified by common tales of pingpong showgirls who shot ribbons and animals out of their vaginas for audiences in secluded locations supplied by pimps. To Bangkok's credit though, it was the only Southeast Asian locale where I was correctly offered a male prostitute (another polite decline). Further, the Thai Museum was a delightfully detailed cultural analysis and the city parks were some of the best in the region. Even my night train was a mostly smooth ride, albeit no dinner for this cash-only option.

Of course, Thailand outside of Bangkok is a whole different experience, and one that I have little knowledge of. The coastal city of Pattaya is said to be significantly more serene and much less exhausting, yet is another prostitution haven nonetheless. My contact there rants on the hypocrisy of Bangkok elite, where the cities' glitzy new subways are stunningly un-affordable for the average citizen (and yes again, mostly cash only). Chiang Mai gets good reviews as well, but remember that tourism breeds neither equitable development nor happy citizens. It pains me to say I probably will need to go back to get a better assessment of the country outside of its capital. But I will have to hold my nose, in the same way I suppose Thai elites have to when they leave their private roads and enclaves specifically designed to keep even foreign pedestrians shut out (yes I was ordered to leave multiple publicly marked streets in areas deemed private). This Latin American-esque level of inequality is deep rooted and all the worse since Thailand is one of the wealthier countries in Southeast Asia.

I came away from Thailand with 2 interactions that lingered more than any other. The first was a royal intermission required at a Thai movie theater. Thai law requires a royal anthem and salute prior to opening credits. In Cambodia where this is also standards, almost everyone rose for their elderly monarch. Not a single person stood in the Thai theater. Not a single one.

The second was short story tale from an Asian Series called Folklore that I watched on my plane ride in. Long story short, a girl is raped and murdered before taking the spirit of another girl when her corpse is set to be further sodomized by a wealthy elite. As both spirit and daughter die, the father of the second girl attempts and fails at revenge, shot himself by mob lackeys while the rich elite ride off into the night. Talk about a downer! In Thailand though, a manifestation of elite frustration could not be more pointed.

Benjakitti Forest Park: If only Thailand could treat its people as well as this park...